Independence Schools Join the Peace Party

Last year in Independence, Missouri, the Community Mediation Center (CMC) was called upon to mediate, facilitate or train 123 people in 54 cases.  42 of the cases were referred from schools involving 95 people.  Mill Creek, Truman, Nowlin, Van Horn, Fort Osage, Blackburn, Pioneer Ridge, Bridger, and Fairmount requested conflict resolution training, family facilitations or student to student or student to teacher mediations.  All but one resulted in positive change in the behavior of the participants and a plan, co-created by parties, to move forward in peaceful ways.

Staff at Van Horn High School heard of a situation where two girls were threatening to fight and called CMC to request mediation.  Judy Heath and Lise Copeland, CMC School Specialists, went to the school the next morning. Following the mediation, Judy told this story.  “ Both of the girls were visibly angry, their body language seemed to say “I want nothing to do with any of this”.  After the set-up, explaining the process and setting guidelines, both girls started talking at once, arguing the facts.  Lise reminded them that they had agreed to take turns.  A few minutes in to the time, it was clear that we were headed into a deep pit of convoluted remembering.  Lise turned on the headlamp and forged ahead, detailing timelines, status’ with ex-boyfriends, mutual best friends, mothers’ unhelpful input, Facebook entries, rumors and the significance of the dome light in the car when they drove up the driveway at 1 a.m.

This went on for about an hour, but proved to be a necessary step in the reconciliation process.  When they finally ran out of story, they were able to calmly reach an agreement about how to handle their relationship in the future.  The young lady who came in the room the most upset, reached over and wiped a tear off the other girl’s face with sisterly care.”

These are the moments of transformation that mediators live for!

Van Horn High School has decreased ‘out of school’ suspensions by 90% from just two years ago; keeping more kids in school where they have a chance to learn what they need to learn, keeping kids included in their community instead of separating them from it in a punitive way, and engaging kids in opportunities for respectful and creative problem solving.  Welcome to the Peace Party!

You are invited to join!  CMC  is offering ‘Interpersonal Conflict Resolution’ and ‘Mediation’ Training in March.  Call the office 816-461-8255 or visit the website www.communitymediationkc.org for more information.

Transformative Mediation

The first thing people ask when I say I’m a mediator is “Oh, I didn’t know you were a lawyer!”

Experience tells me that if I launch into a description of the different types of mediation, from directive to facilitative, their eyes glaze over, leaving no opportunity to mention the many benefits of transformative dialogue as opposed to outcome oriented mediation.  So I say, “Last week I worked with the parents of two teenage boys to help them decide how the children would divide their time between the divorcing parent’s households since they lived an hour away from each other.  They were able to create a plan so that the boys will continue to have both of their parents in their lives.  As a non-attorney mediator I get to be involved in many situations like this one”.  A real story about people in conflict working together to solve problems usually piques their interest.

The Community Mediation Center (CMC) offers conflict resolution assistance to anyone who needs it, using a sliding fee scale based on a person’s income.  A two hour session with co-mediators from CMC may cost around $75 per party.  Attorney mediators charge up to $350 an hour for mediation.  If an in-depth knowledge of say, employment law, is needed, that might be the way to go.  But for many conflicts, well-trained, experienced professional mediators can facilitate a restorative process, focusing on finding helpful solutions created by the parties themselves.

CMC mediators have 60 hours of training, including Interpersonal Conflict Resolution, Mediation Training and a 20 hour practicum involving observation and co-mediation with an experienced mediator.  CMC mediators use a transformative or facilitative style of mediation which allows time for the parties to hear from each other, tell their stories, decide what the actual issues are, and create a plan together to move forward.

When choosing a mediator, here are some questions you may want to ask:
1.  Are you a full-time mediator?  How long have you been a mediator?
2.  How many hours of training do you have and from what institution?  Do you have a degree in the field of conflict resolution?
3.  What experience do you have in different situations; workplace, divorce, never married parents, family, neighborhood or school mediations?
4.  What style of mediation do you offer?
5.  What is your fee structure, cost per hour or per session and the cost of additional sessions if needed?
6.  Are you affiliated with regional, state or national mediation organizations?

Consider using a professional mediator for conflict situations you encounter, at home, at work or in your neighborhood.  Using a trained, experienced professional mediator is not only cost effective, but can be the difference between a solution in which the parties have ownership in the outcome and therefore stick to agreements, and a solution imposed by a judge, or a directive mediator.  People are capable of solving conflict in their lives if offered the opportunity and a process in which to do so.  Mediation works!

Third Grader joins the Peace Party

Last year 24 students in a third grade classroom at Roger’s Elementary in the Kansas City, Missouri School District were experiencing their first of six lessons, learning a conflict resolution process called ‘Talk It Out’ by Barbara Porro.  ‘Talk It Out’ has six steps.

1.  Stop and Cool Off
2.  Think about how you feel
3.  Talk about how you feel and why
4.  Listen to the other person
5.  Brainstorm ideas to solve the problem
6.  Pick the one you both like-DO IT!

The children were sharing ways they thought might work to Stop and Cool off.  One boy said you could ‘read a book until you weren’t mad anymore’.  One girl said you could walk away.

The Community Mediation Center (CMC) facilitator said that those were both good ideas and then asked, “ How about taking a few deep breaths?” She asked every one to stand up and said, “breath deeply in through your nose, like you are trying to smell some really yummy soup someone is cooking at your house.  Then let the breath out through your mouth, like you are blowing on the soup to cool it off so you can eat it.”  They practiced the skill several times and then learned some other ways to cool off.   Each child wrote down the one they thought would work for them when they found themselves in a frustrating situation, or felt angry with someone else.

The next week the CMC facilitator returned to the classroom for lesson two.  She began with a review of the previous lesson.  When she asked the class what the first step in solving conflict peacefully was, one little boy’s hand shot up without hesitation.  The facilitator pointed to him and he said, having not quite mastered his ‘l’s',  “Smew the soup, bwow the soup!”

An 8 year-old boy now knows a way to ‘Stop and Cool Off’ before reacting in a conflict situation, a skill that, at some point, could save his life.  Welcome to the peace party!

You are invited:  CMC has an interpersonal conflict resolution class planned for March, 2012.  Consider spending 2 days learning about and engaging in a valuable and practical process called ‘Think, Listen, Collaborate’.  Call to reserve your spot, 816-461-8255.  The way you view conflict will never be the same!