Transformative Mediation

The first thing people ask when I say I’m a mediator is “Oh, I didn’t know you were a lawyer!”

Experience tells me that if I launch into a description of the different types of mediation, from directive to facilitative, their eyes glaze over, leaving no opportunity to mention the many benefits of transformative dialogue as opposed to outcome oriented mediation.  So I say, “Last week I worked with the parents of two teenage boys to help them decide how the children would divide their time between the divorcing parent’s households since they lived an hour away from each other.  They were able to create a plan so that the boys will continue to have both of their parents in their lives.  As a non-attorney mediator I get to be involved in many situations like this one”.  A real story about people in conflict working together to solve problems usually piques their interest.

The Community Mediation Center (CMC) offers conflict resolution assistance to anyone who needs it, using a sliding fee scale based on a person’s income.  A two hour session with co-mediators from CMC may cost around $75 per party.  Attorney mediators charge up to $350 an hour for mediation.  If an in-depth knowledge of say, employment law, is needed, that might be the way to go.  But for many conflicts, well-trained, experienced professional mediators can facilitate a restorative process, focusing on finding helpful solutions created by the parties themselves.

CMC mediators have 60 hours of training, including Interpersonal Conflict Resolution, Mediation Training and a 20 hour practicum involving observation and co-mediation with an experienced mediator.  CMC mediators use a transformative or facilitative style of mediation which allows time for the parties to hear from each other, tell their stories, decide what the actual issues are, and create a plan together to move forward.

When choosing a mediator, here are some questions you may want to ask:
1.  Are you a full-time mediator?  How long have you been a mediator?
2.  How many hours of training do you have and from what institution?  Do you have a degree in the field of conflict resolution?
3.  What experience do you have in different situations; workplace, divorce, never married parents, family, neighborhood or school mediations?
4.  What style of mediation do you offer?
5.  What is your fee structure, cost per hour or per session and the cost of additional sessions if needed?
6.  Are you affiliated with regional, state or national mediation organizations?

Consider using a professional mediator for conflict situations you encounter, at home, at work or in your neighborhood.  Using a trained, experienced professional mediator is not only cost effective, but can be the difference between a solution in which the parties have ownership in the outcome and therefore stick to agreements, and a solution imposed by a judge, or a directive mediator.  People are capable of solving conflict in their lives if offered the opportunity and a process in which to do so.  Mediation works!

Third Grader joins the Peace Party

Last year 24 students in a third grade classroom at Roger’s Elementary in the Kansas City, Missouri School District were experiencing their first of six lessons, learning a conflict resolution process called ‘Talk It Out’ by Barbara Porro.  ‘Talk It Out’ has six steps.

1.  Stop and Cool Off
2.  Think about how you feel
3.  Talk about how you feel and why
4.  Listen to the other person
5.  Brainstorm ideas to solve the problem
6.  Pick the one you both like-DO IT!

The children were sharing ways they thought might work to Stop and Cool off.  One boy said you could ‘read a book until you weren’t mad anymore’.  One girl said you could walk away.

The Community Mediation Center (CMC) facilitator said that those were both good ideas and then asked, “ How about taking a few deep breaths?” She asked every one to stand up and said, “breath deeply in through your nose, like you are trying to smell some really yummy soup someone is cooking at your house.  Then let the breath out through your mouth, like you are blowing on the soup to cool it off so you can eat it.”  They practiced the skill several times and then learned some other ways to cool off.   Each child wrote down the one they thought would work for them when they found themselves in a frustrating situation, or felt angry with someone else.

The next week the CMC facilitator returned to the classroom for lesson two.  She began with a review of the previous lesson.  When she asked the class what the first step in solving conflict peacefully was, one little boy’s hand shot up without hesitation.  The facilitator pointed to him and he said, having not quite mastered his ‘l’s',  “Smew the soup, bwow the soup!”

An 8 year-old boy now knows a way to ‘Stop and Cool Off’ before reacting in a conflict situation, a skill that, at some point, could save his life.  Welcome to the peace party!

You are invited:  CMC has an interpersonal conflict resolution class planned for March, 2012.  Consider spending 2 days learning about and engaging in a valuable and practical process called ‘Think, Listen, Collaborate’.  Call to reserve your spot, 816-461-8255.  The way you view conflict will never be the same!

Peace by Piece

artwork by Rob Hatem

        Where will YOU be on Tuesday, November 15th at noon?  The Staff, Board of Directors, Volunteers and many Community Mediation Center Supporters will be having lunch at the Kansas City Marriott Downtown, in the Colonial Room, with the mayor.

        The luncheon event is a benefit for the mediation center.  The goal is to develop continuing funding to support mediation services for residents of Kansas City.  Since the close of the city’s Human Relations Mediation Department in 2009, Kansas City offices, 311, United Way 211, police officers, legal aid and many others, refer cases to CMC when interpersonal conflict resolution assistance is needed.

        The Community Mediation Center (CMC) has recently seen an increase of over 65% in the number of people we serve a year. More and more people are discovering the power of mediation.

        Conflict is normal, violence is not. The mediation we do at CMC, empowers parties to solve conflict  before it becomes violent, with a secure and respectful facilitated process.   Another effort, the Aim 4 Peace  Violence Prevention Project, seeks to change the behavior that leads to violence through preventitive, intensive case management and  intervenes during and after violence occurs to stop retaliation and further violence.  Both efforts involve face to face encounters to talk and listen for greater understanding.

        Kansas City is looking for ways to solve conflict peacefully, before it escalates to violence, and mediation is one piece of the puzzle.  Mayor James recognizes the value of mediation and supports the use of mediation to solve conflict.

        You can join the growing network of individuals and organizations that are working to create a safer Kansas City.

        Sponsor -$2,500 -5,000      Table - $1,500     Individual lunch-  $150

        Call 816-461-8255 to reserve your spot at lunch!