Transformative Mediation

The first thing people ask when I say I’m a mediator is “Oh, I didn’t know you were a lawyer!”

Experience tells me that if I launch into a description of the different types of mediation, from directive to facilitative, their eyes glaze over, leaving no opportunity to mention the many benefits of transformative dialogue as opposed to outcome oriented mediation.  So I say, “Last week I worked with the parents of two teenage boys to help them decide how the children would divide their time between the divorcing parent’s households since they lived an hour away from each other.  They were able to create a plan so that the boys will continue to have both of their parents in their lives.  As a non-attorney mediator I get to be involved in many situations like this one”.  A real story about people in conflict working together to solve problems usually piques their interest.

The Community Mediation Center (CMC) offers conflict resolution assistance to anyone who needs it, using a sliding fee scale based on a person’s income.  A two hour session with co-mediators from CMC may cost around $75 per party.  Attorney mediators charge up to $350 an hour for mediation.  If an in-depth knowledge of say, employment law, is needed, that might be the way to go.  But for many conflicts, well-trained, experienced professional mediators can facilitate a restorative process, focusing on finding helpful solutions created by the parties themselves.

CMC mediators have 60 hours of training, including Interpersonal Conflict Resolution, Mediation Training and a 20 hour practicum involving observation and co-mediation with an experienced mediator.  CMC mediators use a transformative or facilitative style of mediation which allows time for the parties to hear from each other, tell their stories, decide what the actual issues are, and create a plan together to move forward.

When choosing a mediator, here are some questions you may want to ask:
1.  Are you a full-time mediator?  How long have you been a mediator?
2.  How many hours of training do you have and from what institution?  Do you have a degree in the field of conflict resolution?
3.  What experience do you have in different situations; workplace, divorce, never married parents, family, neighborhood or school mediations?
4.  What style of mediation do you offer?
5.  What is your fee structure, cost per hour or per session and the cost of additional sessions if needed?
6.  Are you affiliated with regional, state or national mediation organizations?

Consider using a professional mediator for conflict situations you encounter, at home, at work or in your neighborhood.  Using a trained, experienced professional mediator is not only cost effective, but can be the difference between a solution in which the parties have ownership in the outcome and therefore stick to agreements, and a solution imposed by a judge, or a directive mediator.  People are capable of solving conflict in their lives if offered the opportunity and a process in which to do so.  Mediation works!

Peace by Piece

artwork by Rob Hatem

        Where will YOU be on Tuesday, November 15th at noon?  The Staff, Board of Directors, Volunteers and many Community Mediation Center Supporters will be having lunch at the Kansas City Marriott Downtown, in the Colonial Room, with the mayor.

        The luncheon event is a benefit for the mediation center.  The goal is to develop continuing funding to support mediation services for residents of Kansas City.  Since the close of the city’s Human Relations Mediation Department in 2009, Kansas City offices, 311, United Way 211, police officers, legal aid and many others, refer cases to CMC when interpersonal conflict resolution assistance is needed.

        The Community Mediation Center (CMC) has recently seen an increase of over 65% in the number of people we serve a year. More and more people are discovering the power of mediation.

        Conflict is normal, violence is not. The mediation we do at CMC, empowers parties to solve conflict  before it becomes violent, with a secure and respectful facilitated process.   Another effort, the Aim 4 Peace  Violence Prevention Project, seeks to change the behavior that leads to violence through preventitive, intensive case management and  intervenes during and after violence occurs to stop retaliation and further violence.  Both efforts involve face to face encounters to talk and listen for greater understanding.

        Kansas City is looking for ways to solve conflict peacefully, before it escalates to violence, and mediation is one piece of the puzzle.  Mayor James recognizes the value of mediation and supports the use of mediation to solve conflict.

        You can join the growing network of individuals and organizations that are working to create a safer Kansas City.

        Sponsor -$2,500 -5,000      Table - $1,500     Individual lunch-  $150

        Call 816-461-8255 to reserve your spot at lunch!

Separated Parents Join the Peace Party

Moms and dads, who no longer live together, are NOT destined to years of bickering, anger, mistrust, and hatred.  Recently the Community Mediation Center (CMC) has experienced an increase in calls from young parents seeking help with parenting plans.  Many situations involve parents who were never married, or divorced parents with court ordered plans that have broken down.  Often fueled by misunderstanding and fear, a restraining order or an order of protection is sought in court. Unassisted, people involved in high conflict have a difficult time separating their own issues with each other from decisions about their children’s welfare.

The mother of a ten month old baby girl called CMC with a request for help to work with her daughter’s dad in creating a visitation schedule.  In May, the little girl went to visit her dad for a weekend and mom didn’t see her for a month.  Because of that incident, mom refused to orchestrate another visit between the little girl and her dad, and had stopped returning his calls.  A phone call between a CMC staff member and dad revealed a willingness to do whatever was necessary to see his daughter again.

Co-mediators from CMC met with mom and dad, during which time a plan was put in place to insure that each parent had substantial time with their daughter, with a set time for pick up and drop off to the other parent.  Sitting face to face and engaging in careful problem solving gave these parents confidence that agreements between them would be upheld.

The opportunity for conflict coaching also emerged.  Communicating with a relaxed tone of voice and body language, and using ‘I’ statements instead of blaming the other person were discussed in a way that parties came to see their own contribution to the difficult interactions between them.  They committed to more respectful communication in the future.  Each agreed to take a break when emotions ran too high, to ignore gossip about the other and to clear up any misunderstanding with face to face exchanges.  A shared desire to model respectful behavior for their daughter was put in writting.  Following the mediation, mom said “I just wanted to get our plan in writing, but this was so much more helpful to us, more than you can imagine”.

Helping to heal family relationships, in which there are shared children, is part of the work of mediation, and sometimes the only place it is likely to happen.  To parents who want to provide more peaceful lives for their children and for themselves, welcome to the Peace Party!

You are invited!  Consider relationship focused mediation in conflict situations at home, at work, or in your neighborhood.  Building peace is everyone’s opportunity!